What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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