Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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