East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
we should paint friendship bongs
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