I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
