Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
