talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
