i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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