:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
