Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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