Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
