I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize