Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
