You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
