U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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