You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
