eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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