I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
