my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
