Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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