Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
