I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
