she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize