I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
