my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
