just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
