i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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