By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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