My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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