I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
