Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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