People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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