Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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