It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
