I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
