god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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