i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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