he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
