At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
