Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
