I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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