I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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