I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im part way to drunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
