My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
