I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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