she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's great music for shaving your balls
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
