he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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