I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
