Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
