you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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