I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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