My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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