That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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