I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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