shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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