If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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