God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
