my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They should really pass out barf bags in church
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my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize