We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
