I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
