its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
