Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
