Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Found your dick twin last night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
