i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
