She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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