dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
