My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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