so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
