you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
