I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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