I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize