i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
