Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
