No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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