i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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