How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
